craving for the light
by The Last Deathly Guardian
Summary: Drabble Collection. An unappreciated card deserves some attention. Mainly Joker/Alice but may include other pairings.
1. When Backed Into the Corner

**Disclaimer:** I DO NOT own Joker/Clover/Heart no Kuni no Alice.

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 **Title:** When Backed Into the Corner

 **Prompt:** -

 **Summary:** Joker, Joker/Alice. It has been such a long time and she's ashamed to have forgotten how it felt to be on the receiving end of that smile.

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Mockery was a colour Joker wore best; flamboyant and garnish as his vivid jester clothes as well as subtle and lethal as the throwing knives he kept up his sleeves. That smile of his was bright as always - plastered on his face, stretching across so wide that he would have put the Cheshire Cat to shame.

"Why the troubled face, dear Alice?" Joker hummed, and this time around it was White who addressed her. He carelessly gestured at her with his pale, slender hands and she can't help but stare at it, flushed as she remembered the feel of the coarse pads of his fingers tracing her bare arms, awakening a trail of goosebumps, just a moment ago. "Am I not entertaining you enough?" he asked, lowering his voice an octave, the sound making her shiver slightly.

"T-That's not it." Alice tripped on her words as he edged forward into her personal bubble, too caught up in that pleasant smile that he always had for her. "It's just...um...I have errands to run! Yeah! So, I really need to get going, White-"

Alice stumbled backwards, the edge of the table digging painfully into her lower back. The cards fell and scattered messily on the ground; hearts, spades, clovers and diamonds watching her as she nervously looked for an escape.

A cornered mouse will always have the options to fight or flight. But it does not necessarily mean that either options would exactly work and unfortunately, Alice did not have the luxury to sit down and make a decision.

Joker playfully titled his head and considered her. "Errands? But you just got here, Alice. Stay for a while, there's no rush in a timeless place like this. It's been too long since the last April season, let me entertain you."

She gulped audibly at the predatory look in his eyes. "T-There's no need to do that! I'm really busy anyways, so maybe another time-"

Suddenly, Joker was caging her in with his arms on either side of her, that mischievous smile curled around his lips had her feeling breathless. "Such a dumb little miss," he whispered, his hot breath fanning over her lips. Alice met his ruby-eyed gaze, and Black stared back at her with a dark smirk. "You never had a choice."

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	2. Cold

**Disclaimer:** I DO NOT own Joker/Clover/Heart no Kuni no Alice.

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 **Title:** Cold

 **Prompt:** -

 **Summary:** Diamond/Mirror, Joker/Alice. Alice shivered but it was not enough to bring back the warmth stolen from her.

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Icy tendrils raced up her arms rapidly, encircling around her body like a pair of snakes seeking to encase its victim for strangulation. Alice was not really suffocating as the cold stole away her body heat, but it felt a lot like it. Teeth chattering, she turned her head as best as she could to glare at the redhead lounging near the pillar, hating that smug smirk on his face.

"W-What's the p-point in l-letting me freeze, anyways?" she managed to ground out, scowling further when he only chuckled in response. Her arms were becoming stiff, too stiff that she could only just numbly feel them. It was not long before she will become a human icicle. "D-Didn't you want me to m-make that decision? Y-You're not exactly g-giving me the time to do it, J-Joker!"

Joker snorted, crossing his arms. "Tch. What a noisy girl."

If Alice did not having more pressing matters - let's just say matters such as becoming a frozen statue - she would have honestly socked him in the face. As it were, she can't even move her hands anymore. "J-Joker!" she growled.

"Stop whining, brat. I can't help you no matter how loud you scream at me. Besides, I'm not suppose to be here anyways," the Joker shrugged, his fingers playing idly with the black cap he held loosely in his hands. A gleaming crimson eye watched as the frost gradually hardened around her legs. "I'm only here because I wanted to get a good laugh from watching you suffer for making such a stupid mistake. Nothing personal."

"S-So you're g-going to leave me to die?!"

"Tch, you'll be frozen stiff but you won't _die_."

"I d-don't want to be s-stuck here!" Alice cried out. "H-Help me!"

Joker yawned, tapping the whip at his belt. "Are you deaf? I told you I can't do that-"

The ice was at her neck, threatening to engulf her face. "T...The prison," she shouted frantically at him. His eye was instantly on her, glaring at her intensely. "You still need me a-alive for that r-right? I'll g-go if you h-help me!"

Like time itself was holding its breath, the ice stopped its upward ascend and the lights of the ice room dimmed and flickered unsteadily. Hands shoved casually into the pockets of his blazer, the Warden made his way towards her, the ominous clacking of his boots made her flinch.

" _Are you sure you really want that_?"

He loomed over her incarcerated self, leering at her like a devil himself.

She licked her chapped lips. "Yes."

Joker threw his head back and laughed.

Alice shivered but it was not enough to bring back the warmth stolen from her.

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	3. Quietus

**Disclaimer:** I DO NOT own Joker/Clover/Heart no Kuni no Alice.

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 **Title** : Quietus

 **Prompt** : -

 **Summary** : Diamond/Mirror, Joker/Alice. She really should have known better.

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It was too easy to give in.

Water pressed her from all angles, caging her in as she sank deeper into the black lake. Her lungs burned with the need to draw air. Her arms were spread wide-eagled, a mockery of a fallen angle descending downwards into the depths of a shadowy abyss. The chains held her tightly bounded, unable to move.

Blinking was hard, the sting of the salt water rubbing her eyes raw was a painful sensation. Alice kept them open regardless. Anything to stare back death into that singular crimson eye watching her drown.

Mirrors reflected images.

 _The glass was cracked._

Images represented yourself.

 _A shadowy afterimage._

Alice could still feel the callous of his hands guiding her to the river bank, the crunching of dirt beneath her feet, the rough brush of his lips against her own.

She was at her limit. Involuntarily her mouth opened to draw in air she knew was not going to be there. Water rushed eagerly down her convulsing throat, her nostrils flaring as she finally begins to struggle for survival. She thought she already had accepted this.

 _"Why hold out so long if you really wanted it? Take a deep breath, Alice and this can all end much faster. Why go through such unnecessary suffering?"_

His voice glided over her panicked stricken mind like silk, inviting her to momentarily forget all else and listen. It sounded very much was like Joker was right there standing behind her, leaning over her shoulder with his arms loosely wrapped around her waist.

Even whilst she was dying, Joker still sounded like he cared.

 _What a lie._

She really should have known better.

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	4. la abnegation

**Disclaimer:** I DO NOT own Joker/Clover/Heart no Kuni no Alice.

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 **Title:** la abnégation

 **Prompt:** Funnily enough, it was Cards Against Humanity...

 **Summary:** Heart, Peter/Alice. Even if you did not see it, pretend not to see it, it does not mean it isn't there. Peter breaks a little bit more and Alice's refusal to see the truth isn't helping.

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"There will be no end to this wretched life. I have already given up hope that anything would change. It's now just enough to keep on surviving to see the next day, to stay alive."

There was something horrid in the way Peter looked at her then, the charming smile he plastered on for her seemed to be decomposing to reveal a rotting self that was much more meaner.

"That was, until you came, Alice, to Wonderland. Somehow, some way, you managed to make life here a living hell and paradise." Peter touched her cheek, the coarse pads of his fingers on her skin had her shivering. "You changed us, for the better and for the worse. In your presence, we can't help but be your subservient little cards against humanity."

Peter laughed and Alice fought the urge to tear out of his grasps and run away. Not that she would have made it far if she did.

"How did you managed to ensnare us so, little Miss? This clock ticks for your love, can't you feel it, beating for your closeness even in the bleakest of times, lovely, dearest Alice?" he whispered, closing her trembling hands with his own, and pressing them against his chest. "Can't you feel me _breaking_?"

 _Tick-tock._

The words clogged up in her throat, and Alice felt lead settled around her heart, in an icy cold grip. Poisonous and intoxicating, for all the wrong reasons, and Peter watched her with those quietly, burning eyes.

His proximity suffocated her.

 _Tick-tock._

Alice did not want to see this, did not want to witness such a display from the man who was so optimistic and full of life, rip apart that perfect perception he had created for himself and then try to force upon her reality.

Brightness flitted at the edges of her vision, the nostalgia that came from her quiet Sunday afternoons washing over her distress, calming her from her frantic thoughts. The feeling came so suddenly and left, Alice was left confused and aching for its familiar warmth again.

She turned to Peter, and she regretted it, seeing that beautiful face carry such a heartbreaking expression that told tales of tragedies many times over. "It's expected that you would seek for familiarity, dearest Alice, you are and still terribly lost, in our world. But can't I ask you, to take the moment to see me, use me, to remember those happy memories?" Peter said. "Wake up, Alice."

 _I don't want to._

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 **A/N:** _la abnégation -_ French for _self-denial._


	5. Black Jack

**Disclaimer:** I DO NOT own Joker/Clover/Heart no Kuni no Alice

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 **Title** : Black Jack

 **Prompt** : Was messing around with a bunch of cards when the idea came and no, it was _not_ Cards Against Humanity, just a normal deck of cards with hearts, diamonds, clubs, spades and a pair of Jokers...

 **Summary** : Joker, Joker/Alice. It has become their game.

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Thin, slender fingers shuffled the deck with expert ease, laying the cards on top of each other with precise precision before changing the arrangements again in a flurry of fast hand movement.

Alice tried to follow the shift in the cards but quickly gave up at the sight of his smirk as she realised it was a futile attempt since Joker sped up his shuffling just to annoy her. Leaning back against her chair, Alice huffed a stray strand of hair out her face, crossing her arms as she waited for Joker to be satisfied with his disarrayed, well-worn deck of cards.

As per usual, wind was non-existent in Joker's forest, and the absence of wildlife made the silence all the more deafening. Alice glanced idly, musing about how she had grown used to what she had once thought was eerie silence, now taking comfort in the quiet tranquil that it gave her. Life at the outskirts of the forest was loud and fast and fleeting. A whirlwind that never stops spinning.

Alice was startled out of her thoughts when a Queen of Diamonds was slammed in front of her. Curiously, she peered up at Joker, who happened to be glowering at her slightly. Her brows knitted together, wondering at his sudden bad mood. It was strange since not long before he was delighted to play a game with her.

"Joker?" she said in askance. Alice tenderly picked up the Queen of Diamonds, fingering its edges hesitantly as she watched him.

"You're card," he answered her, impatient. There was a sudden sharpness in his eyes that was not that all prominent before. She noted absentmindedly that he speech had become coarse and somewhat limited to short, terse sentences. "Put it down."

Alice slowly blinked, not understanding. Joker made a noise which was between a growl and a snort, and Alice snapped out of it, and did what he said. "I thought I was playing with White today?" she phrased the question to Black Joker, tilting her head.

"Well, now you're playing with me," he grumbled, taking the Queen of Diamonds back into the folds of his deck. He started shuffling again. "It's been awhile since I challenged an amateur," Black said, accompanied by a long, suffering sigh.

Alice felt her eye twitched.

"Who are _you_ to call me an amateur!" she demanded, scooting closer to the checkered table, glaring at the almost bored expression on his face. "I'll have you know that I won against White, multiple times!" Alice said, proudly.

Black wasn't impressed.

"Dunce."

"What?"

Black smirked, setting two cards in front of her before doing the same for himself. The placed the rest of the deck in the middle. "As if that bastard would be bested by an airhea - I mean, by someone like you. That's a joke." It didn't matter that Black had tried to cover up his insult, what he said to make up for it was just as bad, judging by how Alice narrowed his eyes at him. "I bet all of your so-called 'victories' were just those rare times Joker took pity on you and let you win."

Alice gasped, outraged. "How dare you! I don't need White's pity to win! I won those games fair and square!"

"Yeah, well, that's why I'm here today," the Joker shrugged, picking up his cards. He kept his face in a perfect mask of disinterest as he placed them back on the table, faced down. "So, are we going to play or what?"

"Y-You're testing me?"

"Like I would believe what Joker said about you actually beating him at cards," Black snorted derisively. "It's _my_ game. No one beats Joker at Black Jack."

Alice squinted at him. "You invented Black Jack?"

"Yeah, so?" Black noticed her look of disbelief and scowled. "Don't look so surprised. It makes you look stupid."

"Just how old are you?" she asked.

"Old." And he ended it at that. Black tapped at her untouched cards. "So are we going to play or not?" he bit out.

Alice picked up her cards. "So, why Black Jack? Why are we playing this game specifically? I mean, you could have tested me with poker."

He gave her a look. "Can a goody-two-shoes like you even _know_ how to play poker?"

"N-no?"

"Then I rest my case." Black took a card from the deck. A smirk crawled onto his face and he put down his cards in triumph. "Black Jack!"

"Hey!" Alice cried out. "I wasn't even ready yet!"

Black crossed his arms. "Tch, so? Like it would make a difference. You can't beat even if you were ready or not. I got to 21 first."

Alice glanced at her cards before showing them to her. Black blinked at first, before he growled and grabbed her hands to see if it was true.

"I don't believe you," he said. But no matter how hard he looked, the pair of cards that she held - an Ace of Hearts and Queen of Hearts - did not changed. He let of her. "Tch, beginner's luck," he dismissed.

Alice bristled but she fought back a smile at how annoyed Black Joker looked. "Really? How about another game then?"

Black glowered. "Tch, you'll lose," he said as he sat back down again. He reached out for the scattered cards, shuffling them. "This is _my_ game after all. I don't lose."

Alice laughed. "I'd like to think it's _our_ game, Black. Where we both win and lose."

Black snorted.

"In your dreams, brat."


	6. The Black Throne

**Disclaimer:** I DO NOT own Joker/Clover/Heart no Kuni no Alice

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 **Title:** The Black Throne

 **Prompt:** Black Throne End, where Alice and Black Joker was in~

 **Summary:** Diamond/Mirror, Joker/Alice. Even after living in Wonderland for quite sometime, what Alice didn't know could fill up several books, and Black delights in rubbing this fact in her face.

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Nothing quite beats the sensation of having the wind forcibly knocked out from you.

Alice gasped, clutching the fabric of her bluebell dress, greedily gulping down air to fill her lungs.

She was lying on the floor, her back pressed against the merciless cold marble tiles. Directly above her, a darkened ceiling spiraling upwards into an endless abyss greeted her, and there were no visible windows on the surrounding pentagonal walls. It looked like a tomb.

"There's not really far from the truth," a voice interjected, startling her out of her thoughts. Against her instincts, she forced herself to a seating position, even as her limbs protested vehemently to the action.

Cerulean blue clashed with wine-stained crimson.

A dark smirk crawled onto his face, and Joker leaned forwards, his elbows on his knees. With his leg crossed over the other, she found him seated comfortably on a black throne, intricately decorated with finely traced inscriptions she couldn't really make out. Not that it should be the center of her focus.

Her mind reeled. Why was Joker here? Alice looked around once again. Why was _she_ here? More importantly, where was _here_?

Once again, Joker interrupted her, "Hey, can I say it?"

A little disoriented and confused, she let slip a hesitant, "S-Sure. Go on ahead."

"Are you an idiot?" he snarled, his mildly amused face instantly contorting to one etched with fury. Alice flinched. "Even with the extra time, you couldn't even come to a goddamn decision, much less stick to it. Then, also making me run around in circles while you flail about worrying over _every single insignificant thing_. And don't get me started on that train wreck. Do you _want_ to go to prison?"

She flinched again. Prison. Isn't that the one place she had been trying to avoid? Why is it, at the mention of the shady realm, her heart thudded faster? Was it from fear or excitement? Alice shook her head, straightening her posture under his harsh scrutiny. "I-I don't, want to go there, to prison, I mean."

"R-Really?" Joker mocked, uncrossing his legs. He settled back more into the throne, leveling her with a heavy-lidded stare.

Even after all they've been through, she still couldn't read his expressions very well. His emotions were so heavily guarded behind that blank mask he always had on display, it was near impossible to determine what he was thinking.

"It must be difficult being stuck with that perforated brain of yours, permanently incapacitated to your fantasies," he continued, "Tell me, do you even know whether you're lying or not? Because your presence here," he gestured at the grand hall with a grand flourish of his hand, "indicates otherwise. You _want_ to be chained up."

Alice found herself bristling at the end of his leer. "No, I don't. Nobody wants to go to that terribly horrible place, so don't go putting words into my mouth. You're just talking to hear your own voice right now."

Joker sneered. "Is that right?"

"I'm not guilty," she declared hotly, fiercely staring him down. "So you have no hold over me."

"Guilty or not, I would always have more power than you, noisy brat. You forget," his lips curdled into something mean, "I am Joker, and I am a reflection of you. Any thoughts you have, whatever it is you're feeling, I know it too. You can't _lie_ to me, Alice."

It was the first time he said her name. She didn't really understand why it was important to note this, but she felt the air suddenly became fraught with tension.

"I'm not lying," Alice said defensively, clenching her fists. Though she appeared to be strong, she was shaking. For some reason, his words really affected her. Why? Joker was really just a big bully. She shouldn't listen to him so readily. "I'm telling the truth. I don't want to go to prison, so let me leave, Black," his single, visible eye slightly widened at the name, "I'm not going into one of your cells."

Then, Joker did something she didn't expect him to do. He laughed outright, slapping the sides of the throne. The sound echoed ominously in the large space.

"What's so funny?" she snapped, irritation colouring her tone. She never did get along that well with the harsher, more foul-mouthed Joker. Even if danger lurked beneath the smiling face, at least White had the decency to pretend to be pleasant company. Well, that is, whenever he wasn't raving Wonderlanian rules at her like a lunatic. "I really mean it! I'm not letting you decide my choices for me any longer. I'm sick and tired of not coming to a permanent decision."

"Pfft, you say that as if you actually believe you're going to stick to this one," he managed to choke out, his shoulders shook with the remnants of his previous mirth. "Didn't you remember, brat? You said the same exact words last April Season. How'd that worked out for you?"

"This time is different," she insisted. "I won't fall for your tricks anymore, Joker."

"What tricks?" he threw back at her, deliberately showing his open palms. "I'm not the bad guy here, no matter how much you wish I was. There's nothing keeping you here but yourself."

"That doesn't even make any sense!" Alice argued, petulantly ignoring the narrowed glare he gave her. She was never one to censor her mouth to her thoughts, and her time in Wonderland did nothing to change that, much to the exasperation of Julius. "I don't _want_ to be here, much less within five feet of _you_."

Black made a displeased sound. "So you prefer Joker over me?"

"I don't want to deal with any of you! Just leave me alone already," she demanded, refusing to back down, "Your jurisdiction doesn't hold over me anymore. And you know it."

"Gotten smarter have you?" He snorted derisively, loosely crossing his arms. "What would an Outsider like you know anything about my Role? For what it's worth, I'll let you in on a little secret."

She blinked, and the throne was empty. Alice looked around, not catching sight of the elusive man. And then, she felt his hot breath tickling her neck.

"Nothing has changed," she heard him whisper, "You're still in the same place you stood since the beginning. An idiot with an immense self of guilt ridding on her shoulders."

What he said made her blood freeze. Nothing has changed?

"W-What do you mean?" she stammered, feeling more than a little spooked. "I accepted her, I accepted Lorina."

"That's what you tell yourself, but in truth, you haven't really done anything," he continued, gripping her forearms firmly. Alice didn't have the strength to push him away, too caught up with the implications behind his words.

"Explain," she asked quietly, trying to even her breathing. She can't let her composure fall apart like this, especially in front of Joker. "Explain it to me all, right now."

"What if I don't want to?" She could feel rather than see his foreboding smirk. "You're so bossy, trying to order me around. But I can't give information freely. If you want to know more-"

"-I'll have to beat you in a game of cards," she finished. Her shoulders slumped. "I know, I know, but why does everything has to have a price? You're playing with my freedom."

"Freedom was never something that belonged to you in the first place. Nobody has that luxury here. You know what the March Hare did, right?" Fingers crept into her hair, his sharp nails scrapping against her scalp teasingly. "The Hatter may have bought him sometime but in the end, he'll come back to where he truly belongs...behind bars."

"You really do have bad taste, Black," she muttered, borrowing a phrase she once heard Ace exclaimed to the Wonderlanian Official. "I recalled you saying that you don't actively bring convicts into the prison."

"Because most of the time I don't have to." The sound of heels clopping against the floor prompted her to turn, and she watched warily as Black made his way back to the throne. "They're usually so eager to jump into that hellhole and stay there forever. There's no need to further convince them to also put on their nooses by themselves."

"I can't believe that."

"You used to," Joker countered, his tone lightly mocking. "And you still do. You're still a Time that hasn't learned to move on."

Frustrated, she kicked at the open air. "I have moved on! I don't want to be stuck in this limbo, Black, so just let me leave already," she pleaded. "I don't want to play this game anymore."

"Well, we can't always have what we want, can we?"

Black seated himself back on the throne, lazily matching her glare with his own. There was nothing he can do. It was an obvious fact to everyone except her. _Must be a dumb Foreigner thing_ , he thought, crossing his legs. _They were never quite that bright, even though there were a few exceptions._

He drawled, "Now, what do you want to do, Alice?"

Once again, he forced the choice onto her. Alice fought herself not to stagger underneath it's imaginary weight. Underneath her growing frustration, there was an overwhelming feeling of disappointment.

It's always a push and pull thing when it comes to Joker - he never lets you in fully, and shows you just a bare glimpse of his cards to get you thinking the way he wants you too.

Manipulative bastard.

Like his open question, he said it as if he actually cared about her opinions. She told herself that it was just another one of his tricks, to get her to lower her guard and believed that she had some freewill in this absurd situation.

But denying his offer for information was like shooting herself in the foot. She couldn't dismiss it so easily. So, hating herself a bit more, she gritted out, "I'll play."

Black's smirk widened. "I knew you'd see my way."

"But," she interrupted, "we'll be doing this on my terms. I don't trust you-"

"You're stupid if you didn't."

"-so, I want my safety secured. If I don't win, I won't be immediately send to the prison. This deal isn't about that," she emphasized, meeting his disgruntled look head on. "I just want more information, and the knowledge that you refused to give me despite it being your job to forewarn others before a game."

A flicker of surprise, then replaced by a scowl, "How do you know-"

"Do we have a deal?" she spoke over him, deliberately ignoring his question. He gave her a look, promising to, hopefully metaphorically, beat it out of her later.

"...Fine," he grumbled, reluctantly agreeing. "There's nothing much you can do anyways, so I'm not really losing anything if you win."

"That's...honest. Are you encouraging me not to play?"

"Hell no, you already agreed, so no take backs." He held up his hands, and a familiar deck of cards appeared not a second later. "Besides, no way am I skipping an opportunity to beat your ass." Black grinned. "You're going to lose."

Alice raised her chin a bit higher. "I'd like to see you try."

"Then, let's deal."

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